He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
