4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
