I'm drive I can fine osifer
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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