He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
