So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
