I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
