Duck Duck Cougar?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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