We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
