so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
