I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
