My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
