just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
