We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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