I'm lost and stupid without you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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