i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
