he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
