dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
