I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
