i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
