Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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