I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Randomize
