my being single is dangerous.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
