the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
