If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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