UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
