Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
