I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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