We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
