New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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