all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Even my vagina gasped.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
