I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
