I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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