hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
