This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
