just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
