did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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