margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
