That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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