She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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