Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
