What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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