Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
