I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
