shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
