Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
