mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
