drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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