I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
