yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Everclear isn't food dammit
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
