Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
