his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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